Over the past two weeks I’ve become quite a magician, mastering my disappearance act. Perhaps I was mirroring the behavior of someone I used to know. Perhaps I was truly saddened by their disappearance and the vacant shell I thought they left behind. Okay, let’s be honest; I am still very sad, but I am not vacant.
I’ll never understand why the people we love make a conscious choice to leave. Love is supposed to be unconditional, right? Regardless, we can’t control it, but what we can control is how we react to it.
Emotions can make us behave irrationally. When we’re hurting, we search so desperately for a reason for our loss. We are in denial, clinging to hope, and resisting the change about to happen when it wasn’t our decision.
When my significant other chose to dissolve our bond, I tried to soak that shit in water! What I mean to say is:
1. I didn’t accept the change
2. I tried to make them reconsider
3. I owned the entire failure
I don’t claim to be a relationship expert…Perhap if I were, I wouldn’t be writing this post. Nonetheless, all those shitty advice articles you read in Cosmo or on Reddit, they’re right.
When someone tells you they don’t want to be with you, accept their words at face value. Then revisit YOUR VALUE! Don’t make yourself feel like the worth of the cheap sheets I’ve wrapped myself in for days on end before you start doing this. Someone deciding that you’re not their cup of tea doesn’t cheapen your value to the price of a god damn teabag. You are just as fabulous as you were before you met them, and they can never take that power from you.
For the love of God (if you’re listening), please don’t ask them to reconsider! They’ve already made up their mind. Once they’ve offered you your freedom back, politely accept it. And look at it as just that, freedom. A chance to free yourself from any stress or demons the relationship has caused you. Don’t devalue yourself by begging to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. We all deserve to be loved. Find someone who will love you indefinitely. Find someone who wants to support you when you’re struggling and who makes you want to improve, while still accepting that you ain’t flawless boo. Simply stated – find someone who WANTS you, because your ex doesn’t if they chose to end it.
Don’t take responsibility for every freaking issue or struggle you and your ex-partner faced throughout your relationship. You are human, which means imperfect. You should not feel shame, guilt, blame, or even embarrassment over any faults. Don’t even bother to tell them you’re sorry. Doing so won’t change the hard decision they already made to leave. Without a word to them, forgive them for hurting you, but most of all forgive yourself! Move on with a clear conscious knowing you gave it your best shot. Use any mistakes as a lesson to make your next partnership even better.
Most importantly of all though, take time to heal. Surround yourself with friends and family who lift you up. Engage in all the activities that you love or that are cathartic. Love yourself so you can find love again!