The 10 Millionth Article of What Not to Do During a Breakup

Over the past two weeks I’ve become quite a magician, mastering my disappearance act. Perhaps I was mirroring the behavior of someone I used to know. Perhaps I was truly saddened by their disappearance and the vacant shell I thought they left behind. Okay, let’s be honest; I am still very sad, but I am not vacant.

I’ll never understand why the people we love make a conscious choice to leave. Love is supposed to be unconditional, right? Regardless, we can’t control it, but what we can control is how we react to it.

Emotions can make us behave irrationally. When we’re hurting, we search so desperately for a reason for our loss. We are in denial, clinging to hope, and resisting the change about to happen when it wasn’t our decision.

When my significant other chose to dissolve our bond, I tried to soak that shit in water! What I mean to say is:

1. I didn’t accept the change

2. I tried to make them reconsider

3. I owned the entire failure

I don’t claim to be a relationship expert…Perhap if I were, I wouldn’t be writing this post. Nonetheless, all those shitty advice articles you read in Cosmo or on Reddit, they’re right.

When someone tells you they don’t want to be with you, accept their words at face value. Then revisit YOUR VALUE! Don’t make yourself feel like the worth of the cheap sheets I’ve wrapped myself in for days on end before you start doing this. Someone deciding that you’re not their cup of tea doesn’t cheapen your value to the price of a god damn teabag. You are just as fabulous as you were before you met them, and they can never take that power from you.

For the love of God (if you’re listening), please don’t ask them to reconsider! They’ve already made up their mind. Once they’ve offered you your freedom back, politely accept it. And look at it as just that, freedom. A chance to free yourself from any stress or demons the relationship has caused you. Don’t devalue yourself by begging to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. We all deserve to be loved. Find someone who will love you indefinitely. Find someone who wants to support you when you’re struggling and who makes you want to improve, while still accepting that you ain’t flawless boo. Simply stated – find someone who WANTS you, because your ex doesn’t if they chose to end it.

Don’t take responsibility for every freaking issue or struggle you and your ex-partner faced throughout your relationship. You are human, which means imperfect. You should not feel shame, guilt, blame, or even embarrassment over any faults. Don’t even bother to tell them you’re sorry. Doing so won’t change the hard decision they already made to leave. Without a word to them, forgive them for hurting you, but most of all forgive yourself! Move on with a clear conscious knowing you gave it your best shot. Use any mistakes as a lesson to make your next partnership even better.

Most importantly of all though, take time to heal. Surround yourself with friends and family who lift you up. Engage in all the activities that you love or that are cathartic. Love yourself so you can find love again!

2 Comments

  1. Well, it seems you’ve read my mail.
    Am in identical situation.
    I agree with your assessment to the T.
    Sound counseling all the way around. Hey, I’ve seen your photo and read what you write. While I don’t know you, I know enough to conclude some great guy will come along soon enough and off you’ll go to happiness. At least as much as is achievable in this life.
    The key is, don’t let things make you too sad or too happy but try to stay in the middle zone. Serving and helping others is a good way to achieve this I believe.
    Another penetrating post for sure.
    Thank you Christina.
    Xoxo
    Roland Henderson

    Like

    1. We all go through it, don’t we?! We will get through it, both of us. I still believe I had a pretty fantastic guy. He just either didn’t feel that way about me or it wasn’t meant to be. I just have to accept it. If love is not in the cards for me one day that’s okay. There are so many other fulfilling things on this earth. I agree that serving is a great way to achieve that.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s